[ The Falklands War, 1982. ] Spoof Typed Document, a British Army in-joke regarding 'Rehabilitation of soldiers returning frok the Falkland Islands', purporting to come from the 'British Dept of Psychiatry | Port Stanley'.

'British Dept of Psychiatry | Port Stanley' [ Falklands War, 1982; Falkland Islands; Great Britain; British Army; Argentina ]
Publication details: 
Supposedly addressed from 'British Dept of Psychiatry | Port Stanley | BFPO 666 | Stanley Mil Ext 3002'.
SKU: 20436

7pp., 8vo. A duplicated typescript on seven leaves stapled together. In good condition, lightly aged and worn. A long document, initially convincing, presenting itself as a form to be sent to the womenfolk ('Mrs/Miss') of soldiers who have suffered post traumatic stress in the Falklands conflict, but soon revealing itself to be a British Army in-joke. A revealing piece of military social history. Supposedly addressed from 'British Dept of Psychiatry | Port Stanley | BFPO 666 | Stanley Mil Ext 3002'. Ends: 'Your faithfully | [BLANK] | A. I. R. BRIDGE | CO GOZOME | Rehabilitation Officer | British Forces Falkland Islands | MR5 | REHABILIT'. ('Gozome' is defined in section 35 of the document as slang for 'Going home'.) Headed: 'REHABILITATION OF SOLDIERS RETURNING FROM THE FALKLAND ISLANDS', with the top of the page laid out for insertion of individual details ('Name', Service Number' and so on) in manuscript. Divided into 39 numbered sections, the first of which reads: '1. Your [BLANK] who no doubt you have been missing so much will soon be returning to you. In order to help him to get back to normality, the following points have been compiled so that you may understand some of the strange behaviours he has acquired during his long and demanding tour of duty in the Falkland Islands. You must understand that he has undergone a very harrowing experience and has for the last four months lived like an animal, and in most cases, lost upwards of 50% of his sanity. It is therefore imperative that the following points should be considered most carefully before approaching him with any situation.' No.10 denounces 'the SUN, STAR and DAILY MIRROR' as 'fictional comics which print lies and have strange pictures of creatures with bumps on their chests'. No.14 ridicules the Falklands Islanders by referring to the character 'Benny' from the television series 'Crossroads'. (A 'BENNY' is defined in section 38 as 'Any local'.) No.15: 'Do not let him see “PANORAMA” [BBC television] programmes on the “FALKLANDS” because he will get very agitated if he sees people he knows with crys of “DAYS TO DO”.' NO.32 gives a list of 13 objects by which the returnee may be 'frightened or surprised', including 'Double Decker bus' and 'Roundabouts and zebra crossings'. No.34 lists 13 'strange things' that the returnee may do, including 'Refuses to let you out of the house without first showing your ID Card and walking out password' and 'Goes to the local police station and asks for the latest minefield map'. No.35 has a list of 22 'strange words' (i.e. army slang) with their meanings, including 'Comfy bum' ('Soft toilet paper'), 'Kiwi' ('Similar to a taxi but free and floats on water') and 'Lumpy jumper' ('WRAC/WRAF/WRNS'). No.38 has a list of seven things that 'should never be done during the rehabilitation period', including a joke about sexual intercourse with sheep. No copy in the Imperial War Museum, and no other copy found on OCLC WorldCat or COPAC, or reference traced.